When Death Knocks
by Eyes-of-Crimson
Summary: Death. Cold. Bottomless. Unforgiving. Is this what it feels like? Does dieing make you so cold" When death knocks, what do you do? HieixBotan
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Death.

Cold. Bottomless. Unforgiving.

Is this what it feels like? Does dieing make you so cold?

Freezing.

I'm freezing, even though I'm wearing warm clothing last time I checked. Then again, I think I'm fading slowly. Slowly.

Sinister dragon of my soul: Release me from this world! Remove me from existence! Erase my memory from everyone!

Kill me.

Kill me, and I will serve you, just like you've served me. I'm going to die soon anyhow, so kill me now.

KILL ME!

The pit is endless. Dark and dank to the point of a black-hole. My mind is corrupt, stained, torn. I need to escape this pitiful life and be tossed into oblivion. Dieing is cold. You've never felt such a vile, bitter, nipping cold. I feel no pain.

Let me die, NOW!

I'm freezing over and I'm screaming silently. My screams are invisible to anyone and everyone. My cries are pained with agony and suffering. My soul is shattering and I'm braking. I'm crumbling into a million pieces, my shards to sharp to pick up.

Soon I know I'll wake from this black dream. I know I will. This chilling cold is nothing, it's all fake. My soul is not tearing, but healing. My spirit is not falling, but rising. I'm not demon, I'm an angel. A dark, fallen, corrupt angel.

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping.

I'm dieing, cold and solid…and alone.

DRAGON!

KILL ME, PLEASE! LET ME END MY SUFFERING! Let me pass and be heavily forgotten. Let me die and never see light or hear the rain again.

Let. Me. DIE.

But, then, she's in my mind. Blue and pink. Why do I see her?

NO! She's holding me back. She's pulling me to her!

The witching hour is near, and by then I must be gone. I must be dead. I must. I won't rest until I see my own blood surrounding me. Where's the dragon? Aren't you going to kill me? Or are you making me do it myself?

The darkness surrounds me more while I heave a negative 284 degree breath.

She's screaming my name… She's trying to help me…

Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken. Hello? I'm not broken. I'm just…

Dead.

Almost, that is.

Don't cry for me, love. I can't see you, but I know who you are. I'm dark and dank, sinking into the pits of Hell in black blood. I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm dieing so that I may smile. I may see the brightness, but always will I love the dark.

How can I love the dark, when I love the light though? Is it my humanity that keeps me here? I want to die, dammit.

I WANT TO DIIIIEEEE!

* * *

Black. Dark. Deep. Banned.

* * *

Voices. I can't hear them well, but I understand.

"He is ─── is this ─── you sure?" Damn.

Why do I breathe? I don't want to be breathing. Great, my visions whacked, but she's coming to me, pony-tail bobbing side-to-side.

She cries my name, but I can't hear her. I close my eyes again, trying to either sleep or die. Now she's shouting at the fools in white…

"I thought you ─── gone and then ─── found you and then ─── oh I thought ─── died." That's about all I can interpret when she talks to me. She doesn't know I'm awake…good. Maybe I can die now.

Death, I need it.

"I love you."

Huh?

Repeat that, onna.

You say, you _love me?_ Maybe I heard wrong, Miss Angel, but did you just say that… Oh Kami you did.

"How do I know you're alive, ───?" Sad, I can't hear my name.

I'll answer her question: If I get up and kiss you.

I wish I could, but I'm so weak. So, my only option is:

"I'm still here. All that's left of yesterday." Wow, that came out good.

"….Hiei?"

"Hn."

"Hiei?"

"What?"

"OH, HIEI!"


	2. Ch1: Visitors

**Chapter 1: Visitors**

The blurred rays of the sun stung my eyes as I woke up. Vivid memories of the previous hours flooded my mind. Instantly, sweat started to drizzle down my face.

_Snoooore!_

What the hell?

Damn, it hurts to turn my head, but I do. And there she is, slumping over the bedside table and her face in her arms. Her hair's still in a ponytail, but still pretty damn messy.

Hn, baka onna.

Then, the door is rammed open. Loudly. I think I nearly get a heart-attack from the suddenness.

"Oi! Wakey, wakey Hiei!" came Yusuke's annoyed voice. Wonder why.

"What, you moronic half-breed?" I ask harshly.

"Just came to ─ hey? Izzat…_Botan?_" he sounds as if he's never seen her before. He trots over to her sleeping form and pokes her.

"Nnh." She whines. He pokes her again. "Mmm…nnh, Hiei…"

I swear on my mother's grave that my face is redder than Kurama's hair.

Two, very annoying I might add, voices are laughing like hyenas; there's a stifled laugh farther away, too. The two audible laughs are Yusuke and the baka oaf, the muffled one is Kurama biting his thumb.

Surprisingly, Botan's still sleeping peacefully, and her head's facing me. She's smiling.

"Botan's got the hots for the shrimp! Ha, ha!" Kuwabara taunts between laughs. Yusuke starts to soon join in while Kurama's chuckle grows in to laughter.

How much I wish I could set them all on fire.

After their laughter and teasing caused by Botan's random murmurs of my name, Yusuke picks her up bridle-style and carries her small frame to a couch in the room. She cuddles up to his chest on the way, saying "Warm."

Somehow those actions of Yusuke both carrying her AND smiling at her when she moves to him make my blood boil.

"Grrrr." I growl and hold it until the detective has his hands off Botan. Then Yusuke looks back at me, and something sparks in his brown eyes as he grins. That makes me raise an eyebrow in pure confusion.

Then, in slow motion, he leans down to Botan's face and touches his nose to hers with his eyes closed. Before I have time to hold my emotions back, I'm registering my upper-body shooting up and me shouting,

"Don't you DARE, YUSUKE URAMESHI! YOU HEAR ME?"

Then I have to endure shooting pain and ripping stitches.

"Oww. Kuso." I curse, seeing red start to rise from my bandages. Shit. Next thing I know, Kurama's scolding me like a mother while changing my bandages with Yusuke, who, infact, _didn't _kiss Botan, and Kuwabara laughing in the background.

Botan's still sleeping. She's actually snoring, too.

"And no matter what, Hiei, you DON'T make anymore sudden and harsh movements! Understand?"

"Hn. Yes, mother."

"Hiei, I'm not trying to act like a parent, I just want you to take it easy for a while."

"How long's "a while," eh?"

"A week or six. Now, lay back down and I'll move the bed up."

"Hn. Baka kitsune." Kurama only smiles and props my bed up. There's an awkward silence now; it's that way because the bakas stopped laughing suddenly.

"So, Hiei, how far along are you and Botan?" Yusuke asks nonchalantly. I'd kill him if I had the freaking strength to. He sees that.

"Don't try your luck with me, detective."

"Awright, don't tell us! But by the way her hair's all messed up and how she called me "Hiei" when she clung onto me, I'd say you two did _something _last night."

At least he's trying to play his part as Sherlock Holmes.

Thankfully, Kurama whacked him on the head with a rolled-up magazine.

"Arigatou."

"No prob."

"Owww…Kurama!" Yusuke whined. Kurama smiled and apologized. Yusuke received a lecture though.

"Well, now that Urameshi's mentioned it," Kuwabara said almost thoughtfully, "the shrimp's hair is all messed up, and he's been really protective of Botan, and he won't stop starin' at her, and Botan's pretty dang worn-out…"

I glared at him, then nodded to Kurama.

WHACK!

He got the message. So did the oaf.

Then there was silence again.

_Snooore!_

Gomen, did I say _silence?_

"Didn't know the onna could snore so loudly." I mused. With every rise of her chest, her mouth made a wide "O," and with every fall it thinned a little. Great. I can't take my eyes off her lips.

Teme.

Then, a hand waves in front of me continuously.

"Yo, shrimp!" Kuwabara chanted over and over again. My hand shot out and grabbed his wrist tightly.

I guess I made too much of a "sudden and harsh" movement because white bandages turned to red.

"Dammit." I cursed and let go of the baka's wrist to tend to my arm.

Kurama held up his multi-page weapon as a warning to Kuwabara while semi-glaring at him.

Humans have made him soft. Too soft.

Yusuke teased Kuwabara for a while and we all had a good laugh. Well, I chuckled a bit.

"Ha, ha, ha! Yeah, well now," Yusuke said and quit laughing, turning to me. Then his hands slammed on the arm rests each-side of me and he peered dangerously into my eyes.

"Hiei's gonna explain why he did this again." Cold was his PO'd tone.

"What do I hafto explain, detective?" I asked calmly.

"Why you _tried_ to commit _suicide_…AGAIN!" he shouted in my face.

Put the mask back on, Hiei.

I glared.

"Stop that, Hiei! We were FUCKIN' WORRIED SICK, DAMMIT!" he screamed.

Botan stirred.

"YOU NEED TO STOP FREAKING COMMITING ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, YOU JERK! THIS IS THE FUCKING TENTH TIME!" Yusuke paused. He glared vicious daggers at me.

"…Hn." I replied.

Don't drop the mask.

By the look in Yusuke's eyes, I said the wrong thing, too. Whoops.

As he was about to start a cursing-spree, Kurama put a hand on his shoulder.

"Yusuke, may I talk to Hiei?" he asked. Yusuke sent one last glare and walked next to Kuwabara. "Alone." Then the two ningens left.

How many sleeping pills did Botan freaking take!

The door closed, and Kurama sat down in the chair next to me. He rested his chin on the back of his propped-up right hand, which settled on top of his also-propped-up left hand. I couldn't look into his eyes.

Somehow, right now, the emerald color scares me.

"Hiei." I turn my head to face him.

_Snoooooore!_

I calmly look at Botan. Kurama does too.

"Don't worry 'bout her."

I looked at him.

"I slipped some sleeping roots in her water after she **dragged** your **half-dead carcass** to my house." Kurama told me harshly. Maybe these humans haven't softened him up too much, after all.

"…"

"Do you know how far she struggled to save you?"

"…" My mask's falling.

"You sure? She says you **fought back** and **yelled** at her the whole way."

"…" I did?

"She, our Botan, dragged **you**, Hiei, **50 miles.** Hear that? **FIFTY. DAMN. MILES.**"

My mouth opens and closes like a fish. 1) Kurama cursed, 2)He raised his voice, 3)…..Botan….

"Botan…"

"Yes, Botan. She did all that while you **screamed bloody-mureder** at her. She's even got a bruise on ─"

"**SHUT UP, DAMMIT!"** I scream at the fuckin' top of my damn-ass lungs. **"JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, KURAMA!" **

Kurama remains calm; his expression never changed. Mine did, though. I was **pissed!** At who?

My own fucking self.

As I had screamed, I bared my fangs and glared as blood-thirsty as I possibly could. Then the mask came back, and I turned my head to face my knees.

"Hiei."

How can I look at him? I just told him to "shut the fuck up." He's my best friend, for Enma's sake!

"Hiei."

No, I'm not looking.

"Hiei?"

No, Kurama, no ─ wait. That wasn't his voice…

"Hiei? Are you alive? HIEI! Hiei! Speak to me! PLEASE!" then painful crying and bawling followed. I spin my head to the sound. It's coming from my left, where Kurama is.

He's holding up a tape recorder and the screaming and crying and bawling's still playing.

"Hiei, this is Botan. I thought you'd like to hear what she said when she found you." Kurama said. Then, there was a new voice, shouting and screaming:

"NO! LET ME DIE! LET GO OF ME, ONNA! LET ME GO YOU MOTHER-FUCKIN' BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU DRAG ME **ANY** FARTHER! LET ME GOOO! I **WANT** TO DIE! LET GO OF MEEE!"

That's…that's…that's _my_ voice! What's even worse, I'm still yelling curses, death-threats, and calling Botan _horrible_ names! Botan's crying, asking me, "At least stop hitting me, Hiei" ever so softly.

I was…_hurting_ her? I was doing so many sinister, satanic, awful things to her! I called her names, I punched her, I did **everything** (besides rape) to her! She was crying so painfully hard…

Yet she **still** endured 50 miles for me.

Me.

The fucking Forbidden Child.

What kind of idiot does that? I know.

**My** baka onna, Botan. Her. Only her.

_Click!_

Kurama ended the tape. "You see?" he said.

"Y-y-yes." I stuttered. How did I forget all that? What kind of fool am I?

Kurama slipped the recorder on the table and some…er, _headphones_ (that's those things you put on your ears, right?) next to it. He told me that I could listen to it anytime.

Damn fox.

"Now that we're off the "Botan" subject, which I only brought up for _your_ amusement, I'd like to, just, _talk._ Kay?" Kurama offers. I think his statements over.

My…_amusement? _God-dammit, that was _torture!_ I think Kurama just happens to know that.

"So, Hiei…" Kurama confronted. I spare his no glance. "What **exactly** did you want from this? Your suicide attempts, I mean." What is he, a shrink?

I glanced and him. His eyes bore into me.

I take a deep breath…


	3. Ch2: Morir

When Death Knocks -- Ch.2 -- Morir

"_Morir_." I say, head cast down and away from my kitsune friend. Kurama started making choking sounds that sounded like he was trying to say something but couldn't.

_Skrit!_

The chair was shoved back with a deep force, obviously.

"Hiei! Y-y-you **surely** don't mean that, right?" he shouted. I looked up at him. Good thing he knows Spanish.

_Morir_ means, "to die" in Spanish. I picked up some from Kuwabara, who's been taking Spanish lessons for years now. I tagged along (secretly, of course) once 'cause he brought Yukina with him.

"Isn't that the meaning of suicide?" I ask. It's obvious, isn't it?

"Y-yes, but, I-I-I…" he can't find the words.

Botan murmurs something along the lines of, "I want pretty, pretty ice-cream."

Kurama pulls back his chair and sits back down. He rubs his eyes tiredly.

"_¿Por que?_" Why?

"_Porque._" Because.

"_¿Por que nosotros hablando en español?_" Why are we talking in Spanish?

"I dunno." He laughs. I guess you can always find happiness in the air of melancholy.

"Now, why do you want to die, my good friend?" Kurama asks when the air comes back. "Good friend," huh? I wouldn't say that. Nope, not at all.

"I have nothing else to do now in my life. Yukina's happy, she's healthy, and she's better off without me. Yusuke hasn't let the "half-demon" thing go to his head, Kuwabara…forget him, and the ningens haven't made you go too soft." I reply. Kurama continues to stare.

"What about Koenma?" he asks.

"I don't give a damn about him."

He cracks a smile for a moment.

_Snoooore!_

Kurama and I look at Botan. "You drugged her pretty damn good, fox-boy." I comment. Kurama nods.

"Yes, well, what about─" he says and reaches for my bandana. Before I can smack his hand away or jerk my head around, I'm blind.

Damn fox.

"Hm, Jagan eye's pretty bad, huh?" Kurama mutters. I growl. "Hiei, I can't believe you called on the **dragon!**" he exclaims.

"Hn." I mutter. Hell, I was **desparate!**

Then, footsteps go further away from me. I can't see where Kurama's going because my third eye's weak and tired still.

"Scoot over a bit, Hiei." Kurama orders me. Don't know why, but I do. Then the bed lowers a bit. Then, I can see; Kurama moved my bandana back to cover the Jagan.

"What was tha-" I start and look down at the being next to me.

Botan.

She's sleeping. Her chest's bobbing up-and-down with every inhale and exhale. She turns to me, and cuddles into my side.

"What about _Botan?_" Kurama asks. I just stare at the Grim Reaper. I knew she'd take me to Hell when I died, and when she would, I'd whisper in her ear a secret. A secret that only **I** know. She mumbles something:

"Hi…ei…warm…" I…I can't help but stroke her hair like I would a cat. I actually like cats; they're interesting and remind me somewhat of Botan…

"Well?"

I blush lightly, remembering Kurama's presence. "Well what?" I ask.

"What about Botan?" he asks. I look down at her still nuzzling her face into my side.

"…I had something planned for her after my death." I say. Kurama cocks an eyebrow.

"Planned?"

"Don't stick your nose into this, fox." I warn. He holds his hands up at chest-level in defense.

"Hiei, she's got feelings for you. Can't say if it's Hate or Love, but she does." Kurama tells me.

It's Love, dumbass.

"Kurama, are the idiots outside?"

"No. I sent them home."

"Good, 'cause I want you to tell me what this emotion is." He looks at me weirdly.

"Describe it." he says.

"Whenever I'm around her, I feel like it's only me and her. She makes everyone disappear. And when she's next to me, my stomach drops, my heart races, and I get…_nervous!_ But, I always push her away when I can hold her, embrace her, feel her in my arms. Sometimes, I just stare at her eyes getting so lost until mine travel to her lips.

"Kurama, I always want to _kiss_ her! I **always** want to _hold_ her! What is this? What's taking over me?" I end with a raised voice. Kurama smiles.

"Love, Hiei. Love is what you're feeling." he says with a smile still.

"Thanks."

"Whatever makes you realize what you've gotta live for and not die." I look at him as if he's just lied.

"Hn."

Because I'm sure the "lucky" lady feels the same way." he continued. Don't Hiei. Don't look…

Down.

"Botan, eh?"

Dammit.

* * *

I'm sleeping. Dreaming about nothing. The cold air wisps around me like an icy blanket.

I better not be dieing right now.

I'm cold, yet warm at the same time. I'm in love with the light though I am the dark. The angel holds onto me while, I, the demon, holds her in my arms. Light will always come over the darkness; that's the moral I've tried to always prove wrong.

But it's right. Hikari always, and eventually, overcomes Yami. Though not in strength, as I was taught was the only damn thing that mattered. For,

There are some things worth more than power and riches. Though the darkness rarely realizes it, it's always there. You just need the light to find it.

_Ai._ Love.

Ever since I saw my twin sister, the light has tried to over-power me, doing everything it can.

Stealing.

Hurting.

Saving.

Then, Light introduced me to _her._ Darkness wouldn't allow it, so my mask was more efficient.

I've always obeyed Darkness. Light was always the enemy. And it still is.

* * *

Light. Bright, annoying light. My hand finds its way to my forehead.

_Snoo─_ "Uhh…nnh…"

Crap. Kurama didn't put her back on the couch!

Botan rubs her eyes sleepily. She blinks a few times. Then she stares straight ahead…into my eyes.

The upper-bed's been lowered, and somehow she's been moved towards me.

I blink.

She blinks. I blink. She does too.

_Blink, blink, blink..._

"H-Hiei?" she whispers.

"Hai?"

"You're, you're…" she touches my bruised cheek with her finger tips. It sends sweet shivers down my spine.

"I'm what?" I taunt, smirking.

"Hiei, you're…YOU'RE **ALIVE!**" Botan screeches and throws her tiny (as in skinny) arms around me. She buries her face into my chest and cries.

"Onna…onna, stop it, onna!" I bark. She looks up at me with teary, puppy-dog eyes. My eyes soften.

I hug her close.

"Stop crying, onna. I'm still here, I'm not gonna leave you, onna. So stop crying." I whisper in her ear.

"Hiei." she gasps. Then she relaxes, and lets me hold her. I'll never let go, never.

"Onna, why did you save me?" I whisper. I dare not tell her that I heard her last time we spoke.

"Because, Hiei, I─" Botan can't say it. She's crying too hard. I growl and get her attention.

"Didn't I say," I say and cup her soft face in my hands, "**not **to cry?" My thumbs are used to clear the water from her eyes. She just stares; it's hard not to stare back.

Then Botan closes those purple-pink orbs and snuggles up to me. She rests her chin on my shoulder; she has to crane her neck up a little though.

"I'm so happy you're alive, Hiei." Botan whispers and pushes her small frame and balled fists closer to me.

"Why? Why would be _happy_ that I'm alive and breathing? Why are you so happy that I've not fallen to the darkest pits of cold death? Why, onna? Why?" I ask her softly.

"Because, Hiei!" she protests.

"You shouldn't've done that, onna."

"Done what?"

I look at her. There's a small bruise on her cheek and a ghost-of-a-black-eye on her right eye. My eyes travel to her arms. Scratches, grazes, and a coupla Band-Aids, too. Her legs are covered with her pants, but I can see faint cuts on her ankles, and there's a long scratch on her neck.

To think, this is all that's _visible_ on her! Also, she's changed and gotten healed.

I can't take it! She's been hurt because of me! **I** hurt, injured, _tormented_ her! My sweet, annoying onna. How could I just lay here and watch you ignore it all?

I hug her even tighter, protectively.

"How can you just ignore everything I've done to you? How can you just _brush off_ what I've done, onna? How?"

She puts her forehead to my chest and brings her knees up to her. I stroke her hair.

"Why, onna? You should be yelling at me, screaming at me. Why don't you? I've hurt you so bad, and you've suffered so much because of me. I," I bury my face in her hair, "I feel like I've just hit _Yukina,_ onna. Please, don't ignore what I've done."

"No! I'm ignoring it because I luh-" she starts but stops herself.

"You what? You should **hate** me, onna."

"Why?"

"**You** went through so much trouble and endured so much pain caused by me! **You** saved me when I didn't want to be, yet you did anyway…"

"Hiei, I'll **always** wand to save you. I don't care if you like it or not, I'll **always** save you."

"From who, onna?"

"…Yourself." she says sheepishly. Myself?

"Onna, what do you mean?" I ask. She looks up at me.

"I came looking for you when you didn't come when I blew that whistle that makes you mad. Then I saw the 'Dragon of the Darkness Flame' trying to devour you. I kept crying for it to stop, but it paid no mind to my screams. Then I ran up through the flames, and pulled you out.

" 'Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken!' is what you kept yelling. And-and-and…" I knew what the end she couldn't say was. I held her closer.

"Why didn't you let me die?" I ask her.

No answer.

"Why didn't you let the Dragon take my soul away and it be destroyed?"

No reply.

"Why didn't you let me ─"

"BECAUSE **I** **LOVE YOU, HIEI!"** Botan shouts while crystal-water tears run down her face.

I smirk. She doesn't see it though.

"I love you so much, Hiei! Why can't **you **see that I'd **die** to save you? Why can't you **understand** that I'd do **anything** for you? Why?" she cries in my bare chest.

"Onna." She doesn't reply. "Onna." Nope.

I sigh.

"_Botan_." I coo. **That** gets her attention. I stare into her amethyst eyes gleaming and brimming with saddened tears. I cup her face in my palms once more and brush the tears away.

Then,

I kiss her.

I kiss her soft, supple pink lips lightly, gradually pressing slightly harder. Me, the infamous Hiei Jaganshi, has just kissed the most bubbly Grim Reaper, Botan.


	4. Ch3: Ai'shetru

**Disclaimer: I don't own YYH or anything else patented. All I own is the plot and any OCs.**

Oh, the person who comented on the Evanescence lyrics used in the prologue, you are absolutly correct! Except, where'd you get "Tourniquet"?

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 3: Ai'shetru**

I don't know how long I kissed her, but when I pulled away, we were breathless and her eyes sparkled.

"I love you, too, Botan." I breathe in her ear. She smiles.

"Ai'shetru."

"Ai'shetru." We kiss again. Soon my fingers found their way into her silky hair and tangled themselves in it. Botan's did the same with me.

"Hey! How ya doin', Hi—" Yusuke's voice boomed laughingly. Botan and I broke away, red racing to our cheeks.

"Uhh…umm… Hello, Yusuke!" Botan cheers up and sits up with one of her perky smiles.

"Where…you and…Hiei, uh…_kissing?_" Yusuke exclaims. I sit up, too. Might as well tell everyone before the detective does.

"Yes. And it matters to you, why?" I ask. Yusuke's jaw practically falls to the floor.

"You…**Hiei**, fire-demon-who-kills-anything-that-gets-in-his-way-and-is-purely-emotionless…and…**Botan**, bubbly-and-annoying-"Grim"-Reaper-who-loves-and-cherishes-every-freaking-moment!" he yells. Me and the onna nod. I'll admit, the look on the detective's face is priceless.

"Once again, do you have a problem?" I ask tauntingly. Yusuke recovers only slightly while he's still looking from me to Botan.

"Uh, I…I really…I really don't know." he finally answers. Then he rushes right out the door, closing it behind him. Botan blinks her large eyes.

Kami, I hate it when she does that. It makes my stomach twist.

"Where on Earth do you think he's going?" she asks. I shrug.

"Most probably to the kitsune, the oaf and the toddler." Botan smiles at me.

"Hiei, while we still can breathe" she says with a blush, "I want to know…why the guys are saying that you're trying to kill yourself." I knew that would come up.

"Do you not believe them?"

"…No. I don't. Hiei, give me reasons that why you'd wanna do that."

"I _do_ want to kill myself. I'm not as sure now, but I know that suicide will come up later in my life." I don't like the look in her eyes.

"H…Hiei. Tell…tell me….tell me _why_."

"…It's complicated, Botan. I-I was just…_bored_, I guess you could say. There're no more opponents that I can't beat, no more reason to fight, nothing."

"Hiei, you can't kill yourself just because you're _bored_! Besides," Botan says and wraps her arms around my neck, "I love you. I don't want to some day come home and find you dead." I can feel her warmth. Her care. Her love.

_Then I'll make sure you won't find me, love._ I think sadly.

"Botan, another reason I wanted to was," I begin and put my left arm around her, "that I thought you'd ferry me to Hell. Then, right before I'd go, I whisper in your ear."

"What would you whisper?" I bend my head down to her ear.

"I love you, Botan. I've loved you since we've met. Before I knew your name, I loved you. Botan, love, ai'shetru." I whisper. I can feel her warming-cheek against mine. I pull my head away, but just to where our breaths dance. "Then I'd give you something."

"What?" she asks, breathless. I dip my head down and capture her lips once more. They're so soft, so warm, so…_delicious_. Why have I chosen to experience this _now_? How did I ignore this gentle, loving being?

"That's what." I whisper, my lips still tingling. Botan's eyes start to form water. I kiss them away. "Don't cry. Don't let any kind of liquid ever fall from your beautiful eyes." I tell her. She sniffles, and then she smiles brightly.

"I promise."

"Good." I try to hold her better, but there's too much pain in my arms. She giggles, a sign that she's _very_ amused.

"Here." she says softly and leans into my chest to where my arms can secure her to me. My eyes start to droop, but not from tiredness. I lean my lips to the top of her head, and she giggles again.

We just sit there for a while, taking in the others affection. Then, just when the silence was getting even more comforting as Botan naps in my arms, the door slams open.

"SEE!" Yusuke shouts. Kuwabara and Koenma tumble in, trying to look at me and Botan. I really, _really_ want to kill them.

"WOAH! Urameshi wasn't lying! Holy shit!" Kuwabara exclaims. I don't know why I can't take my arms off of Botan, they're, they're…

Holy shit they're stuck.

The baby doesn't say anything, just stands there and ignores the fact that his pacifier's just hit the ground. Then Kurama strides right in, an annoyingly happy smile on his face.

"Hiei, did she fall asleep again?" he asks while he comes to my bedside.

"Obviously." I mutter.

"Then why don't you let me take her to the couch?"

"I think she's better off here, fox." I growl.

"Then at least let her lay down properly so that her _neck_ doesn't cramp." he says quietly. Damn, I want to kill him for emphasizing "neck".

"Kurama."

"Yes?"

"My arms won't move."

There's a weird moment of silence that would most probably make a good humor insertion.

"Uh…Yusuke! Go get Dr. Hiromi. Kuwabara, go get some bandages from the first aid box. Koenma…pick up your pacifier and get me another pillow." Kurama orders kindly. The humans have made him too soft. The detective, oaf, and toddler go do as they're told and are back within a coupla minutes.

"What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asks. Very much lower C-Class demon. Kurama answers.

"His arms have seemed to have frozen into place, Hiromi-san."

"Ah, well, you just can't feel them, Jaganshi-sama." I have to smirk a bit for this piece of demon trash knowing my authority.

"Then move them." I state. The doctor sweatdrops and gets Kurama to because he's "got to finish paper work". After Botan's in a more comfortable position, I'm re-bandaged and pissed.

"So, you and Botan, eh?" Yusuke asks with a wide grin.

"Yes. Any of you fuckers have a problem?" Yes, I am protective.

"Chill, man. Sheesh!"

"Hn."

"If anyone doesn't mind, I'd wish to speak to Hiei alone." All of us turn our heads to Koenma. His face is stone serious, and he's still sucking on that god damned pacifier.

"I mind! I didn't get ta tease the shrimp!" the oaf objects.

"Please, just you being within a 200 mile radius of me is annoying enough." I say darkly. Yusuke and Kurama get "a kick out of that one". Kami, I've started having a sense of humor and ningen terms stuck in my head.

Eventually, the kitsune, detective, and oaf are out, and the toddler is looking me straight in the eyes.

"Hiei, what we are about to talk about is very important for your future." he says.

"Then get on with it then. I've got to move on with my life if what you're going to tell me affects it in any sort of way."

"This is no time to get arrogant, Hiei!" he shouts. I don't change my expression. "Hiei," Koenma starts again after taking a deep breath, "you have to listen to me as much and as closely as you can or else I'll have to repeat it."

"I'm all ears." And Jagan eye.


	5. Ch4: Sisters

**Disclaimer: don't own YYH, just the plot and any OCs.**

**Note: this is a short chapter, and i'm sorry if you were expecting something big. There was nothing else I could think of. ****

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**Chapter 4: Sisters**

"Hiei, this is very important." Koenma repeated to me. I nodded my head, but I glared at him. He was wasting my time. Wasting _our_ time. I flick my eyes down at my sleeping angel. She needs explanations from me, she needs so many of them.

And this toddler is wasting time.

"Get on with it, pacifier-breath." I mutter. His eyes don't change; they just hold that serious stare that usually meant that someone was in deep shit.

"Hiei, Botan is like my baby sister, understand?" he asks. I nod again. "I feel things for her just like you do with Yukina. I can't stand to see her with somebody I can't stand to be around and her falling for them to make it worse. I'm sure you can relate to this, being Kuwabara's girlfriend's big brother." I twitch.

"Don't remind me." I hiss. I'm still trying to probe his mind, but the Jagan's screwed up. Koenma straightens up.

"Good, you comprehend. Now, of all people she's known, the last, most unstandable person to see her with," he looks off to the left, "is undoubtly," he looks dead set into my eyes, "you, Hiei Jaganshi." I continue to listen, holding down any and all growls. "This, this new chapter in our makeshift book is going to be a hard one to write and carry on writing, Hiei. We are the writers, and some of us can't keep writing until our block has faded. Others, however, can write and write and write without any care in the three worlds." Koenma looks at Botan.

"Your point?" I ask.

"My point is, Hiei," he looks back at me, "that you two are going to have to write this whole chapter on your own. Maybe even start your own book. Start a life with each other. Begin to live, Hiei. Begin to love her and hold her at every moment. Caress her. Comfort her. Care for her. Love her. She is the most important person in my life, and I would die if I saw that her fragile heart was broken by someone whom I put all my faith, all my trust into to take care of her against all my own wishes." I feel something inside me, like I've been shot with an arrow.

"…I understand." I say, looking the Reikai Prince straight in the eye.

"I hope you do. I know there are many things in your life that would prevent you from ever trusting someone with all your soul. I know that there are numerous things that you wish you could change, but you can't. I know what it feels like to feel as if your baby sister is being taken away from you by a stranger. Hiei, take care of my little Botan, she's the only angel I've got."

For some reason, I don't feel like killing him for calling her "his" little Botan. "His" angel. I know what he's talking about, I know everything about sisters. I understand where this idiot's coming from. I can relate to his concern….

Yukina…..

"No need to fear, toddler. You can be assured," I say in a positive tone, "that this angel is going to be perfectly fine." Koenma smiles.

"I know, Hiei. I know. I trust you to take care of her through thick and thin, through the good times and the bad, through every storm that comes your way. I believe that you can take care of her better than any other man. I can see you protecting her when she's defenseless, holding her when she's scared, and loving her as long as you both live. But, be warned, if you hurt her, make her cry, make her sad, I _will_ kill you, Mister Hiei Jaganshi." he tells me, his tone like ice at the end. I don't change my face.

"If I do anything to hurt her, I'll have killed myself before you even get word." I tell him, true as hell. He frowns.

"As much as I'm relieved by your commitment," Koenma says, "I'd prefer it if you'd kept suicide away from your vocabulary."

"I can't promise you that."

"Why not?"

"I'm suicidal, Koenma." He looks at me with a death glare. "But that's not going to stop me from taking care of _my_ little angel, ever." I add for my own sanity. He seems shocked by my emotions being layed out in front of him.

"I see." he mumbles. Then he turns, heading for the door. "Hiei," I look at him, "take care of my little sister, she means everything to me." Koenma's gone, and I'm left with my sleeping angel. I love her so much, and there's nothing I wouldn't do to protect her. After all, now that I think about it, I'm going to have to give a speech to the oaf, too.

Damn.

Sometimes, I love being a brother so much, that I'd die just to stay that way.

And now I get to put my life on the line for Botan, my angel, and Yukina, my sweet sister. They mean the world to me. Both of them. I love them.

I'd do anything for them. I'd cry. I'd laugh. I'd _die_ for them.

Unfortunately, the toddler and I have something in common now.

Shit.


	6. Ch5: Nightmare

**A/N:** Hi! Don't kill me for making yall wait since 9/26/05. -whimpers- Well...here's my second version of my idea of Hiei and Botan's son, Vincent. The first you can find in my oneshot "No Reason Left". Enjoy and don't hurt me!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu-Yu Hakusho. I only own Vincent -huggles-

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**Chapter 5: Nightmare**

"_Hiei! I'm home!" Botan called, balancing a large brown sack full of groceries on her hip. She closed the door behind her with a soft push of her foot and trotted to the kitchen. There she unloaded the bag, humming. By the time everything was put up, she was wearing a hard frown and her eyes were oozing with worry. "Hiei?"_

_She wandered throughout their large estate, calling Hiei's name. As she turned a corner, she could faintly hear the quiet mewling of a crying baby. Her heart going into overdrive, she ran down the hallway, following the cries of her baby. As she neared the master bathroom, the cries became horribly louder and the terror in the sound was nearly tangible._

_Her face paled considerably, her fingers grazing the doorknob. She heard a squish when she placed her foot down on the carpet. Shuddering, she mechanically looked down, and her scream caught in her throat. _

_The plush, white carpet was soaking up a large amount of blood, but not absorbent enough to take it all. _

_Vincent wailed again._

_Botan yanked open the door, and screamed so loud it rivaled her son's. The black haired child stood there, his tiny arms raised up, stubby fingers grabbing, tears thundering down his chubby cheeks and blood splattered all over him. She scooped him up immediately, and pushed his face into her shoulder. As she turned to run back down the hall, she stared in unadulterated horror and despair at the body in her bathroom. She ran, ran and ran and ran. She ran to the phone, dialed three digits, and in a berserk mass of blubbering and crying, took half an hour to get her distress through:_

"_My husband's dead!!"_

* * *

I woke up screaming. 

Sweat was dripping down my face; my heart was trying to escape my chest. I was still screaming when Kurama came running in. He grabbed my shoulders and was saying something, but I couldn't hear him. My screams eventually quieted, but Botan's still rang in my ears, torturing me. After I calmed down enough to start gasping for breath, I realized I was sitting up and that my sweat had eased past the bandages on my body, gradually soaking into the bed sheets.

Kurama stared at me. The word _worry_ had might as well have been carved into his eyes. I grasped onto him. I could feel that my eyes were wide.

"Where is she?! Kurama, where's Botan?!" I cried.

"She's okay, Hiei. She had some paperwork to do in the Reikai. Hiei, what's wrong?"

I panted, still staring up at him. I could tell he was telling the truth. My hold on his shoulders loosened, and I could feel the creaks that my tensed fingers made in doing so. My head fell so I was staring at my lap.

Good…she's okay…

"Hiei, what did you dream about?" Kurama asked, moving his hands to my neck to comfort me. I was still trying to find my air.

"Nightmare…"

"Yes, I can tell. What happened?"

I removed my hands from him, and he removed his from me. As I continued to collect my bearings, he pulled up a chair to sit in, eagerly leaning towards me. I swallowed and gasped. I hated panicking…it did such frightening things to a person.

"I…Botan…she…she came home and…and I didn't answer…she…she heard him crying…crying…screaming…" I choked out. Kurama looked confused.

"Him?"

"Vin…Vincent…baby boy…two years old…no…one and a half…he was…screaming, crying…Botan…she got worried…she looked for him…bathroom…squish…carpet…blood…terror…"

I swallowed a lump in my throat again. I couldn't put together a sentence anywhere near right.

"She opened the door…she screamed…bloody murder…Vincent…he was crying…he held his arms up to her…she picked him up…she was crying…horrified…put his face in her neck...shoulder…she ran…ran so damn fast…picked up the phone…called…dialed…"

I could feel my eyes tearing up. Kurama wouldn't care if I cried, right?

"She…thirty minutes…no…thirty-one minutes and twenty-five seconds…cried…couldn't…talk right…"

A cold gem fell against my hand.

"She…screamed…husband…dead…dead…blood…blood everywhere…Vincent…covered in it…husband…dead…"

Kurama awkwardly patted my back as I cried. I cried so hard that night. I let it all out. My pain. Her pain. Our son's pain. Everyone's pain. I just shed all the pain away as the gems clinked together, one falling after the other.

* * *

I may have gotten my bandages changed, my head on straight, my tear gems safely hidden, but I don't think I was ever happier than when Botan came in that morning, bouncing and smiling so innocently and joyfully. 

"Good morning, Hiei! I brought you some breakfast! Hope you like hospital food!" she said, chipper as ever. I stared at her, and I think she could sense the longing and neediness I felt for her right then, for she set down the tray of food and walked past Kurama, whom she still didn't notice, and touched my cheek. "Hiei?"

I moved so fast I was shocked that I didn't open any wounds. I reached up, grasped her head, pulled her down and kissed her with everything I had. I let her go when my energy began to deplete. She was blushing crazily, and she was breathless. I gently kissed her lips and ran my hands through her hair.

"I missed you." I whispered. She smiled and giggled.

"That much?"

I kissed her again. "You have no idea."

She giggled, pecked my cheek, and retrieved the food tray. She did a half-curtsy when she saw Kurama, greeting him cheerfully. He smiled at her and bowed a little. Such polite people.

"Did you get your paperwork done?" Kurama asked, helping Botan set up the table that could be rolled over to my bed so I could eat from a surface. She laughed nervously.

"Most of it…I was so worried about Hiei, though, so I took off early to sleep and get up in time to beat the morning rush at the cafeteria." she explained, smiling. My insides just dropped. That was really too sweet…

"You shouldn't risk your job for me, Botan." I told her softly. She waved her hand, grinning.

"Oh, nonsense! I won't get fired for paperwork! Besides, I'm sure Koenma understands." she said. I sighed. She was right.

"If you say so…"

"I do."

I grinned. "So what is this?" I asked poking the odd food with a fork. Kurama chuckled.

"Bacon." he said, noticing that Botan was trying to hide her giggles. I noticed, too. If it were anyone else, I'd be pissed. But it was her, so it was amusing.

"And these?"

"Scrambled eggs."

"This?"

"Sausage."

"These?"

"Hash browns."

I cocked an eyebrow. Hash browns? "The hell?"

Kurama and Botan both laughed. I didn't mind.

"They're shredded potatoes, Hiei." Botan said, smiling. I blinked.

"Never had a potato before…" I muttered.

Botan gasped. "Really?!"

I looked up at her with my eyes. My neck hurt too much to use my head. "Yes."

Kurama chuckled still while Botan stood with her mouth open.

"…You're weird, Hiei."

I chuckled and stuck my fork in the hash browns. "And?" I inquired, cutting up the mass of shreds. Botan huffed and bent down to my ear.

"And I love you anyway." she said softly and sweetly, kissing my cheek. I smirked, taking a bite of these 'shredded potatoes'.

"Good?" Kurama asked. I chewed for a moment, rolling them in my mouth. Not too bad…

"A bit bitter…but good." I agreed. Botan gasped her revelation gasp. I looked at her. "Hm?"

"Salt! I'll be right back, Hiei!" she said, winking. Then she was out the door. Kurama and I were both smiling after her.

"Can you still believe it, Hiei?"

"No, not really."

"Are you going to tell her about…?"

"…No. It'd be better if she didn't know."

Kurama smiled. I speared some egg and ate it, chewing quietly.

"I don't want to spoil the information on our child."

Kurama nodded. "I understand."

He always did.

"…What's salt?"

"You'll see."

* * *

Around noon, Urameshi and the oaf came to visit. Kurama had left due to a lunchtime appointment he had made with his mother. Do I need to insert a 'human' comment here? 

Botan greeted them warmly, like always. She was sitting at the desk, scribbling away at her paperwork. Yusuke and Kuwabara greeted her back and proceeded to talk to me. Or, rather, annoy the living hell out of me.

"So when will you be back on your feet?" Yusuke asked, opening his fifth soda. I thought for a moment.

"Not too much longer. Just in time for you to start school, I think." I said, grinning. I knew how much school irked him. I got the reaction I wanted. A smile and then a realization yell, followed by a colorful rant. Kuwabara sighed and picked at his half-eaten sandwich. I noticed how…un-Kuwabara-like he was. I would point it out if I actually liked him in the least bit.

Botan noticed, too. She was taking a break from work. "Kuwabara, what's wrong? You look so down." she questioned worriedly. I wasn't jealous at her worry. It was different from the kind she had towards me. Mine was more special, personal.

Kuwabara sighed again. "That's also the time Yukina's going to live in the Makai for a while." he said. Inwardly, I was grinning like a child who just got exactly what he wanted. Outwardly, I was eating my lunch in a contemplating manner.

Botan gasped. "Really? Why?"

Kuwabara shrugged. "I don't know. I told her if it was 'er brother I'd help her, but she insisted that I stay in school." he said, sighing. I blinked at my food.

"What if you did find him? What do expect him to be like?"

All three of their heads turned towards me. Botan and Yusuke with shock and some hint of questioning, Kuwabara with confusion. I just continued to eat silently.

Kuwabara, thought for a minute. "Umm…well…I guess protective. Maybe secretive and mysterious, since he's so hard to find…uhh…nice and friendly, I'd hope. Geez, this is hard…" he said, muttering the last bit. Yusuke looked at me. I couldn't see his expression, but I knew he was looking.

"What about his looks, eh?" he asked, playing along. He nudged Kuwabara's shoulder. Kuwabara protested with a 'hey!'.

"Well…red eyes. Like Yukina's. Blue-ish hair, medium height, little taller than Yukina…umm…"

I was grinning. Really now? That much and only one or two of his guesses were wrong…

Kuwabara was really thinking about this. It was quite amusing. Yusuke started getting into it, too. I had to glare at him to keep him in line. He always just grinned at me and gave me a thumb-up. I shook my head, smirking. So immature…

Botan eventually settled into bed right next to me, legs folded and ankles crossed. She leant against my shoulder, rubbing her cheek against the bandages. When the idiots weren't looking I'd kiss her head or feed her some of my food. It was a fun game to play; I'd move the fork around so that she had to reach up to get to it. It was quite cute.

* * *

"Well, I gotta go guys. Keiko wants to see this new chick-flick that's out in theaters." Yusuke said, saluting us as a joke. We bid him farewell, and Botan and Kuwabara started talking soon after. 

"How long does Yukina plan on staying the Makai?" Botan at one point asked.

Kuwabara shrugged. "I dunno. Longer than first semester, she said."

Botan pouted. "I wonder why…" she muttered.

I was still picking at the little green balls Botan called peas from lunch when Kurama returned bearing Ningenkai fast food. And sweet snow. _Plenty_ of sweet snow.

* * *

"Hiei, I've got a few souls tonight, so I'm not sure when I'll be back." 

"Just please come back."

"You know I will, silly."

We shared a long kiss.

"Goodbye."

_

* * *

Vincent looked up at the stars. He blinked at how bright they were, shining down from the heavens above. His mother used to have a job up there, he was told. She was the Grim Reaper who gathered dead souls and ferried them over to the Spirit Realm on her oar. He always tried to remember the times when he was a baby when his mother would take him for rides on her oar, but he never could. _

_That night...when he was around two years old..._

_It haunted his memories. He was emotionally scarred by it, and was now queasy around blood and knives. He was a skilled fighter, but every time he'd land a punch, the images would flash in his mind, screams and cries would flood his ears._

_He wished his father had at least waited a few more years...Vincent had close to no memories of him when he was alive._

_He remembered once when the three of them went to a festival in Kyoto, and his father let him perch on his shoulders, staring at all the lamps and masks and people. He got his first spinning top there. His father got it for him._

_But now...there was no father. There were no wide smirks and small smiles and deep chuckles. There was no more hard chest, no more strong arms to hold him and keep him safe from all the closet monsters._

_If Yusuke Urameshi was one of your parent's best friends, you would have such nightmares when you were one and/or two years old, too. _

_Kurama always told him stories. He'd sit Vincent on his lap, comb through his black tresses with his fingers, and tell him stories of his father. Vincent quite enjoyed the stories, and often retold them to his mother. His mother would smile and laugh or comment, but no amount of her all-natural bubbly and cheery personality would, or could, ever hide the despair in her amethyst eyes._

_Kurama told him that his father loved his mother's eyes. He understood why._

_Vincent was convinced that his father was murdered. He did _not_ commit suicide. Someone had taken control of his father's body and made him stab himself, cut his fingers off, drive a knife deep into himself, and stab his Jagan eye. Vincent strongly believed his hypothesis. So, when he turned seventeen, he kissed his mother goodbye, left flowers and a bowl of ice-cream on his father's grave, and left._

_And no one could stop him. He would find his father's killer. He already had a lead from someone named Toguro._

* * *

I woke in a sweat again. No screaming this time. That was good. But I was close. I felt terrible, as if my guilt was eating me away from the inside like a parasite. Fuck… 

"Vincent…I'm so sorry…"

I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest. Tear gems escaped.

"I'm so sorry…"

* * *

No, I'm not gonna ressurect Toguro XD;; 


End file.
